As I was going to bed last night I was thinking about what I believe to be one of the essential keys for having a lasting relationship, ESPECIALLY a relationship in which there is a person or persons with chronic pain. I instantly was reminded of building a shed with my SO in our backyard last summer as I had joked (mostly serious) that building something together is a true test of a relationship…a partnership. How many of you would trust your partner in a life or death situation? Say, if you were in a war zone together and HAD to rely on each other to make it out alive? Is it a YES, or a NO…or a MAYBE? I want you to really think about that. It may seem extreme to some, but really, who you choose to be with is someone who you are choosing as your PARTNER. This is the person you’re choosing as your right hand if/when needed and vice versa. This doesn’t mean that you never disagree or that you could build a shed without problem, but that you should be able to calmly and effectively work through the problem should it arise. You see, being able to work through things… to engage each other, and at times explain your points of view to each other is what it comes down to. As we were building the shed I realized that my SO had misunderstood how the floor was meant to go in. I, for once (building is not my strong suit), had instantly understood how the floor was meant to be constructed. So, I brought it to his attention that unfortunately he had misunderstood, and that in fact the floor was meant to go in this way. He didn’t understand the first couple of times I brought it up and thought for sure that his way was correct, but something as simple as getting out the manual and walking him through my understanding is, to me, a perfect example of how any issue that arises should be approached. When I don’t understand something he in turn extends the same courtesy and explains to me in a way that I understand. Sure, sometimes it may take a few tries for your partner to get your meaning and vice versa, but the point is that communicating and working together to solve a problem should always be how you approach an issue that arises, and to me that is the definition of a partnership. A partner is someone who you CONSULT with. If your SO storms away, gets mad at you, or reacts in some other nonconstructive manner EVERY time a problem arises that you’re trying to work through/approach with them, then you need to ask yourself if you’re truly in a partnership.
In a way, those of us with these chronic pain issues are at an advantage because they can help us find out really quickly if someone is truly in a partnership with us. Many relationships are never tested in the ways that ours are, and therefore many people may never truly know if their relationship is one that can withstand serious hardship. I know, some of you are probably thinking that it would be nice to not have to go through any of this, and that finding out if you have a rock solid bond with your partner is hardly a silver lining, but really it is something quite special.
So why am I railing on about being with someone who is your partner and your comrade? Someone with whom you can meet obstacles head on and who will face them with 100% determination? Someone who will NAVIGATE and PROBLEM SOLVE WITH you? Because too many people in this world sell themselves short. So many people with chronic pain feel like they have to settle, or that they’re not worth it, and I want everyone to know that that is BS. You do NOT have to settle and YOU ARE WORTH IT! Don’t make your life harder by being/staying with someone who can’t be a partner to you, and you to him/her. If you’re struggling right now, I send all my love and light to you. If I could impart one thing upon this world before my time is up, it’s that knowing your worth is beyond measure. No one ever deserves to be with someone who treats them badly, or who doesn’t meet them halfway. Sure, even the strongest relationships can be rocky at times, but believe me, if your relationship involves a high level of mutual respect, and you have a solid line of communication, you will make it through. There is someone out there for everyone! Don’t settle, know your worth, and use your chronic pain to help guide you to the right person for you. Choose who you want in your fox hole with you, and if they’re a no or a maybe then move on! XO
Myth: If you can’t orgasm with penile penetration alone then there’s something wrong with you.
Fact: Many women (somewhere between 50-75%) cannot orgasm with penile penetration alone, and that means it is completely NORMAL to need more stimulation such as clitoral stimulation in order to achieve orgasm.