A few nights ago I had a very thought provoking dream. I won’t go into too much detail except to say that this dream was like an alternate reality in which I had managed to become totally pain free. In this alternate reality I had had a total hysterectomy, just like in this reality, except I didn’t think about periods, or pain, or any of it until I was in the bathroom (in my dream) of the place I was living, and saw menstrual products of a room mates. After seeing the pads/tampons I had this fleeting thought of “oh yea I remember using those…” and this kind of internal acceptance of not ever thinking about it since being pain free, and getting past the whole ordeal.
In this dream my spouse and I were together, but our lives were totally different. For one, we lived in a really big apartment in a totally different city, AND with roommates. I think we were entrepreneurs of some sort. Also different was our whole relationship dynamic. In a way it was as though we hadn’t matured since our early 20’s. Whereas in reality we’ve grown together throughout our trials and have a very good bond.
So what does this all mean? This dream gave me a glimpse as to what my life could have been like if I were able to overcome my health issues much earlier, and achieve being pain free. That is to say that it confirmed for me that while many of us may think life would be better “IF” (in many of our cases, IF we were pain free/didn’t have health struggles) that this isn’t necessarily true. If my life were as it was in my “alternate reality” with the exclusive bonus of being pain free; I absolutely wouldn’t want that life.
I can’t really explain how profound this dream was to me, except to say that it’s helpful to keep things in perspective. If we could go back and change one thing in our lives, such as our health, it’s not a guarantee that our lives would magically be somehow better or perfect. If you’ve ever watched any time travel movies, a person usually tries to go back to make something “better,” and while that aspect may be “better” after all is said and done there is often a so called butterfly effect that causes other things to be different, and not necessarily in a good way.
I haven’t given up the pursuit of one day being pain free, or at least having all of my issues well managed, but I think I am at a point where I really have let go of the “what ifs.” While I hate my health issues, and truly struggle to exist at times I am tremendously grateful for the life I have, and wouldn’t want to change it to be pain free (if given the choice) if it meant sacrificing something like the relationship and life I’ve built with my partner.
I’d like to ask you to ask yourselves if you could go back in time, and change the events of your life to be pain free/free of illness etc., what might you LOSE in exchange? And would that loss be worth it to you?
Don’t forget to stay tuned and watch for my big announcement coming in November!